THEME BY MARAUDERSMAPS
"You belong in an office, not the arts."

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roses are red violets are blue

andy is dead and joe is dead too 

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Imagine you’re out for a walk and you get a weird feeling, like something is wrong. In the distance you hear HEEEEYYYYYYY YOOUUUNNNGGGGBLLOOODDDDDDDD. Suddenly you find yourself in a studded leather jacket, a cut off tee shirt, short shorts and fishnets, and you’re on a motorcycle. You know what you’ve got to do. You’ve been called into the Young Blood Initiative. Your mission? To Save Rock and roll. 

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Goodnight sweet prince

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Goodnight sweet prince

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Let’s have a chit chat, shall we.

I’m not trying to call anyone out but let’s talk about what to do when you’ve got a problem with someone else on the internet. 

On tumblr we meet so many different kinds of people it is literally the craziest thing ever. Honestly, before I joined tumblr in 2008 I literally had no idea there was such diversity in the world. Call it small minded but I just call it small town syndrome. My mind has been opened up to so many different things and places and people and I have loved every moment of it. 

Anyway, that doesn’t mean everyone I’ve met has been my best friend. But I’ve got so many awesome friends on tumblr that it doesn’t even matter. Sometimes, however, we upset our friends and that is okay. It is apart of normal human interaction. Not too long ago, a former friend stopped talking to me out of nowhere. Literally, nowhere. And when I addressed them about it things got a little hairy. So, I decided let’s use this as an example for people to learn and grow from. 

When you’ve got a problem with someone it can really eat away at you, every time they post or reblog or send you an ask or you see anyone else interacting with them can really get under your skin. But why not instead of letting it fester, why not approach them about it? I know it sounds hard but honestly it can be a lot easier than you think and most of the time will solve most if not all of your problems allowing you to cultivate a beautiful friendship.

But if you don’t depending on the person it can lead to hurt feelings and catty situations like the one above. I wasn’t too perfect in this situation either but I literally had no idea why the other person was upset with me and even now I still don’t. I think it might have something to do with a particular ship and my strong feelings against it. But then again it could be about chip dip. I don’t know, and I probably never will. Though that’s not even what this is all about. This is about how we approach people on the internet to avoid drama. 

Please, if you ever have a problem with anyone do not just ignore them until they go away because I don’t think that has ever really worked for anyone. 

Here are some quick tips on how to deal with someone who is rubbing you the wrong way:

  • Calmly address the situation, because the person literally might not even know they are being an asshole 
  • Calmly address the situation because the person literally might not even know they are being an asshole 
  • Calmly address the situation because the person literally might not even know they are being an asshole
  • Step away from the computer and take a deep breath
  • Calmly address the situation because the person literally might not even know they are being an asshole.
  • If the person knows the are being an asshole just say, “Hey man I’m just not feeling what you’re feeling.” And if they send a reply message do not respond with cattiness and aggression. Keep your cool. Bitchiness only breeds bitchiness. 
  • Some people have more abrasive personalities than you’re used to. That doesn’t make them bad people and that doesn’t make them wrong. If you’re going to be sensitive about your own feelings you gotta understand what koolaid they’re sipping too. 
  • Most things can be resolved by just talking to the other person. Ignoring them is going to get you nowhere. 
  • Also, trying to bully the other person when they are simply making their case? Totally not cool. That’s grounds for a time out. 
  • Tell the other person what they did wrong in explicit detail. That way they aren’t left wondering because everyone hates that, you hate that I hate that, Pete Wentz hates that…everyone hates it. 
  • Don’t mess up someone’s sense of community. They are a person too. 
  • If you really don’t want to speak with them again be polite but firm. I’d give them a total of three messages before ignoring and blocking them. Make sure you are very clear with them about why you no longer want to speak to them, don’t insult them, don’t be rude to them, be as clear as possible and as firm as possible. For example:

Person one: Hey I really don’t want to be friends anymore and this is why. I’m really sorry but I just don’t stand with that. 

Person two: Oh wow thanks a lot really wow you’re a terrible person seriously what about all these things that I did

Person One: I really appreciate our friendship for what it was but I really am  just not okay with the way things are going. 

Person Two: Oh my god you’re just being a bitch how can you even do something like this

Person One: Like I said, I’m really just no okay with _____ and I’m not at a point where I can deal with that right now. 

Person Two: Oh, okay. Thanks for being a reasonable person. I get that. Have a good life. 

  • Don’t try to turn your friends against that person. That really isn’t cool. I guess that is don’t mess up someone’s sense of community. 
  • If they are being rude to you, report it to tumblr. Get off of the internet for a little bit and go read a book. You are worth so much more than someone being rude to you. But don’t try to send other people after them because that’s really loose butt hole. 
  • Don’t defame that person or slander them because that’s just way uncool. 

On the flip side how to deal with a person that has a problem with you (basically the opposite of how I reacted):

  • Stay calm. I know it might come as a surprise that they are upset with you but take a little bit of time to really think about what they said. Maybe you were being kind of an asshole.
  • Regardless of if you feel like you are right or wrong, apologize. If you feel like what you did was perfectly okay don’t apologize for what you did apologize for making the other person feel bad. Sometimes, that’s really all people need to hear. 
  • If you are approaching the other person don’t harass them with messages and don’t get rude with them. I got rude in my personal situation and it didn’t get me anywhere. So, just send them probably a max of a message a day for like three days. If they don’t respond they are not worth your time and are probably ignoring you. 
  • Don’t respond with negativity. That only furthers their belief that you’re an asshole. I know you might be upset with them because they are upset with you but two wrongs don’t make a right. 
  • Take your time when writing up your responses. Don’t get yourself caught up in the moment and say something you regret. 
  • If they are being rude to you just say, “hey I respect that you’re upset but I’m feeling insulted.” Don’t be vague with them and don’t blow up on them. Let them know out right that you are upset. It saves a lot of hurt feelings in the end. 
  • Really think about things. Even if you have to wait a day or two. Give them the chance to calm down but mostly give yourself the chance to calm down. 
  • If you feel harassed report them to tumblr  and delete the messages. I know I’m one of those people that used to keep messages that hurt my feelings in my inbox and months afterwards I would revisit the messages and I would get all riled up all over again. There’s no point in that at all. So, delete the messages so you don’t obsess over them. 
  • Don’t try to mess up their sense of community. They are people too. 
  • Don’t try to turn your friends against them because that’s just not cool at all. 
  • Try to stay as calm as possible. If you start feeling bitchy, take a break and come back later. 
  • If that person no longer wants contact with you it will hurt but respect their wishes.You can’t force anyone to be friends with you. No matter how hard you try. 
  • Don’t defame that person or slander their name afterwards. That’s just way uncool. 

So, long story short if you have a problem think before you act. Give it a day or two, that’s fine but approach them before they approach you. A good way to say it would be, “Hey, I know you’ve been trying to get a hold of me for a few days but I have to be completely honest with you. It really didn’t jive with me what you said about _________ and sometimes you come on a little bit strong and that doesn’t sit well with me. I think we might just have to go our separate ways.” And if they follow up like I did, answer their questions politely but firmly. If you really don’t want to talk to this person you don’t have to but that doesn’t mean you have to be mean. 

On the flip side try not to send them more than three messages because that’s just weird. Make your point and once you feel yourself getting into that bitch place step off because it isn’t worth it. I know that that person can make you feel pretty low and will more than likely lash out. I know I got a little bitchy in the last message but I was just responding with what I was given. 

Was it right for me to get a little bitchy even though they were being bitchy to me? No. 

What if someone is being really mean to me and my friends?

The best way to handle it is to just let it roll off your back like water off a duck. Report it to tumblr and block them into high heaven. 

What if I really want to be friends with that person?

Sometimes you just gotta cut your losses

What if they are a core member of my community?

You just gotta work around it. It might suck for a hot min but the people that are friends with you and are really friends with you will stay friends with you. And if you run into them when ya’ll are doing stuff, just say hey and go on about your day. 

What if my friends take their side? 

It should never be about sides. If they are true friends they will be fine. 

If you have any more questions feel free to inbox me! I’m sorry that this happened but I’m glad such a cathartic little guide came out of it. 

I hope you guys have a fantastic day!